guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Sext me about skeletons
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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