Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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