Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
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...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
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No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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