I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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