he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
