There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
