She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
