A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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