I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
