dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
