I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
PS: I just woke up from my shower
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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