Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize