I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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