those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
