his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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