end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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