toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
