Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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