The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
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