What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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