Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
