she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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