If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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