So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
