I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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