Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize