just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
