weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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