$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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