Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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