I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
