I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
