Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
he was CRYING into my vagina
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
