is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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