I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
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