In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
