alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
