Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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