How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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