Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
