I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize