I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
