Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
birth control should be required to get into college
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
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