i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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