once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
