I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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