Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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