Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I love you.
Bad choice
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
