You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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