I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
