Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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