Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
