Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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