Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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