are you still at the devil's house?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
