I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
