but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
