His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
