Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Randomize
