with your own penis?
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
