fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
