Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
