god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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