I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Is it because I queefed?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
