that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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