The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
