and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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