went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
