She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
