If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
