I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
