She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
