that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
